damon and the order of the phoenix
by sweetnsarcastic
Summary: once upon a time,damon was member of the order. now, they need him again... my first story,please review
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter one: **Memories

_DAMON POV_

It was warm July night in London. As I was walking down the street, I saw two girls staring at me and wispering. I winked at them and they blushed and started giggling. I smirked. Everybody just loves me. Except Katherine the bitch and her little doppelganger Elena. After I found out that Katherine wasn't in the tomb, I realised I don't need her. And for Elena, well, she was happy with my brother. And my broody little brother was happy with her. I couldn't be so selfish and take Elena from Stefan. He is my little brother , I will always love him and I will never let anyone hurt him, especially me. After all, I'm his big bro, I'm supposed to be there for him and watch his back and all that shitty brotherly things. And, I will find some pretty and nice girl to be my princess of darkness and she WON'T be a Petrova doppelganger!

Few weeks ago, I decided I need a break from everything. So, I went to London. My mother was from England and she lived in London before her family moved to America and she met my idiotic father... Well, my father didn't know that she was a witch. Not Bonnie kind of witch, but the real one- with wand and broom and stuff like that. Stefan and I were wizards, too. Luckily, our father didn't know about it, because he would kill us if he knew. Our mother protected us with a spell which blocked our powers until we were 23 years old. Boy, I was so fucking shocked when I made a stone turn into a wine glass just by thinking about that!

When I unlocked my powers, I educated about magic. I found my mother's old school books with spells in a basement of the Boarding House. I loved magic. I loved everything about it. The feeling of power going through my veins when I cast a spell, wind rushing through my hair while I'm flying, joy and happiness when I make Stefan's hair pink and long...

Anyways, once upon a time, I was a member of The Order of the Phoenix. It's funny, really, how it happened. I was in Hogsmead, in Honeydukes' . While I was picking my favourite candies ( blood flavoured) seven Death Eaters came into the shop. They wanted to take the shopkeeper, Andrea Mason with them. She was good friend with James Potter and well known member of The Order of the Phoenix. I couldn't let the Death Eaters to take her. She was always nice to me, and I didn't even need to compell her to give me free sweets and chocolate. Women... I just love they love me...

However, I stunned all of the Death Eaters before they could even blink. Super vampire speed! Ha! Beat that if you can! That Flitwick guy saw me stunning the Death Eaters ( he didnt do anything about them ,little coward , I'm sure he's a Ravenclaw, they never do anything )and he told Dumbledore about me- how awesome I am. Dumbledore asked me to join the club... And he didn't regret it. I was the most useful member of the Order. My job was to spy Death Eaters and it was really easy because, well, I am a vampire!

I met lots of cool guys in the Order. Me, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and James Potter were the best friends. I didn't like their school friend, Peter Pettigrew, very much , I always felt like I shouldn't trust his little rat face... But James told me not to worry, Peter is ok. When James and Lily died, everyone blamed Sirius. I just knew that Peter told Voldemort where they were, but everyone said I'm nuts. So, I went to America. I really didn't have the reason to be in England anymore, one of my best friends was dead, the other one was in the worst jail in the whole world... James's child had no parents. I asked Dumbledore to let me keep Harry, but, no. Smart Dumbledore always knows the best! Hell , I am older than him and he tells me what to do!

I was really angry and dissapointed when I left London. I just wanted to move from the wizarding world and all that Voldemort is dead ,yay! shit for a few years... Everyone thought Voldemort was dead. I wasn't so sure about that. Such an evil person couldn't just die! He was the worst kind of evil, but he was really smart, he couldn't just let himself die! And, when James's boy was in the fourth year of Hogwarts, Voldemort kinda came back...

Of course, Dumbledore the savior reunited The Order of the Phoenix. He sent me a letter few weeks ago. Stefans's face was hilarious, he looked so '' I want to eat you, owl''. Man, I thought that after all of these years he won't look at poor owl like it's something to eat! I mean, it's like I want to eat a postman when he delivers me a letter! Duh!

I was almost excited when I got a letter, it was getting boring in Mystic Falls. I think that my dearest little bro Steffie- poo is going to propose Elena- boo! Gross! I never loved all that lovely – dovely things!

I took the plane to London. I could aparate to London( yes, I am that awesome) but this was funnier. All the girls on the plane were practically drolling over me...Ha ha, this is going to be funny!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter two**: The meeting

Grimauld place number 12- I thought and suddenly, big, dark, gothic house appeared between two muggle houses. I entered the house. While I was walking down the hall, some old witch from the painting on the wall started screaming! And, she really could scream! It was hurting my sensitive vampire ears!

-You gross, immortal creature, how dare you come to the noble and ancient house of Black… Go and die you dirty bloodsucker!...

This woman just can't shut her mouth! I heard someone comig, probably to rescue me, but I didn't need help. I waved my wand and suddenly- old dirtbag had her mouth erased! That look on her face, I will never forget it! While I was laughing my ass off, I saw who was my noble savior, man who came to shut that old witch. It was one and only Sirius Black! But, he didn't look as young and carefree as he was looking fifteen years ago. Actually, he looked like a man who spent thirteen years in Azkaban.

- That's how you use the Erasing spell! I mean who would use it to erase wrongly spelled word, really…- said my dear friend while he was grinning and hugging me. At least he didn't lose his sense of humor. Yet.

- Hugging? When did you become such an emotional person, o serial killer Sirius Black?- I said.

He looked really happy to see me. He led me to the room where the meeting will be. Everyone stared at me when I came in. I smirked. Older members like Moody, McGonagall and Snape were, I'm sure, wondering how and why I look so young and beautiful; and the younger ones were well, staring at me. They just can't help it.

Sirius and I chatted with Remus who came shortly after me. We talked about past fifteen years. Remus told me about James's son, Harry. Sirius was telling me how Harry was a troublemaker and how he saved him from dementors. Remus and Sirius looked really proud while they talked about Harry. Parent- like proud. Kinda scary.

After an hour or so, Dubledore came. Right in time! God, I hate when people are late… I mean, it's okay if I'm late but someone else…

However, the meeting was about that evil, bad, scary wizard Voldemort and, of course, how to protect Harry. Dumbledore said that Voldemort needs Harry for his plans and that we must protect Potter junior, and so on…

When the meeting finished, Sirius showed me my room and then he went to his room, yawning and looking tired and bored. It was really stupid of Dumbledore to keep Sirius in this house. He spent 13 years locked in Azkaban, and now he's locked again! Really stupid idea.

Before I went to bed, I called my little bro. I guess I had one of my big bro moments. Eew, I won't tell anyone. I dreamed about chasing Stefan on my broom. Sweet dreams.


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own VD or HP, only these Sofia and Maria twins, which are there only because Order needs some hot chicks. xoxo**

Chapter three: About order members and brotherly talk with Steffie

Damon POV, of course

Next morning, everyone was sitting in the kitchen and waiting for the breakfast. Molly was making steak and chips, and it seems everyone likes it? I mean how can they eat something like that? And for breakfast? I prefer blood- from some hot sorority blondes...

There aren't any blondes in order. Oh, pity. But there are some really hot chicks here. I mean, look at Tonks- she's a metamorphomag, she is every man's dream girl! And these Plec twins- Maria and Sofia, they are hottt! Ha ha, Sirius is staring at them...

Sirius- my favourite serial killer... He can look really scary with his scary, wild hair and "I'm a serial killer" face. He's a really good person. He overreacts a little bit, like when he turned James into a kettle because he dyed his hair pink while he was sleeping, but I like him. He's a great drinking buddy and really funny when he drinks a lot... Last time, he drank two bottles of bourbon and five beers and sang " I'm a barbie girl" while dancing on a table... He really can drink a lot. A normal human would pass out or something like that after so much alcohol, but not Sirius... I guess he had lots of practice.

Weasley twins are younger version of James and Sirius. Their little pranks are getting better and better. Yesterday after the meeting, they put some fireworks in Order members' coats while they were on the meeting. God, they were angry! Fireworks were really nice they were dragon shaped and some of them looked like flying pigs, but nobody liked them, except me. I always put Anti- prank charms on my pockets, clothes etc. Hm, maybe I could buy some of these fireworks and send them to Steffie...

Oh, Alastor and Minerva are talking about me! How rude of them! Ha ha ha Alastor thinks I'm a vampire. Good morning, Columbo, of course I am! Wait, what did he say? He wants to spike my alcohol with vervain? Silly, silly man. I thought such an old and great Auror would know about vampire hearing and would put Silencing charms. I guess he's getting old and forgetting things...

Look! It's Severus! And he's actually talking with Molly! I mean Snivellus talking to someone! He doesn't talk to me since I turned his potions set to Quiddich equipment. It was fifteen years ago! And what kind of man wants a boring potions set when he can have something like Quiddich stuff? Weird...

I can't wait for Potter junior to come. I hope he is like his father, but, according to Ron- another Weasley kid, he's more like " be nice to me and I'll be nice to you"- Lily Evans type. Party pooper... It was really stupid of Albus to keep him wit his Muggle relatives. I know about that spell- while he is in his aunt's home, he'll be safe, but I don't think Voldemort will come to Grimauld place and kill Harry. And I'm sure Harry is kinda frustrated being so far away from everyone...

I decided I will ask Albus to enroll me in Hogwarts, in the fifth year, so I can be with Harry. I tell Albus I want to protect him (and I will), but I get my fun- Quidditch, learning new spells( hahaha I wonder if there is any I don't know) and stuff like that. Here I come, fun!

Oh, my god! Humans are eating their weird food! Gotta go out of this room! Hm, maybe i could have chat with Sirius's mommy... And after that, I will be nice and caring older brother and call Stelena. These two...

**Three hours of screaming later...**

That was fun! I didn't know Sirius's mother knew so many umm '' words''. Now I call my favourite brother!

**Me**: Hi, Stefanie! Did you miss me?

**Stefan**: Damon? Is everything okay? Are you in trouble? Are you in jail? Did you burn somebody's house down? Why are you calling me? Did you...

**Me**: STEFAN! Calm down, man! I'm calling you because I love you and I want to hear your lovely voice...( grinning)

**Stefan**: Okay, I'll put you on speakerphone, Elena can't miss this...

**Me**: Oh, Elena is there? You two are still together? That is just, wow!

**Stefan**: Damon...

**Elena**: YES, DAMON! WE ARE STILL TOGETHER! AND DON'T THINK I THINK YOU ARE FUNNY!

**Me**: But you do think I'm funny. Everyone does. Are you pms-ing?

**Stefan**: Yes, she is. It's scary.

**Elena**: Stefan!

**Stefan**: Just telling the truth!

**Me**: Okay, lovebirds, enough about you, I want to talk about me! I am in London! Are you surprised?

**Stefan**: You left us a letter, Damon, and you explained everything. You wrote 35 pages, I think you explained good enough where you are and why.

**Me**: Who are you and what did you do to my brother? My brother doesn't have a sense of humor!

**Stefan**: Okay, I'll tell you what hapened if you promise not to laugh.

**Me**: I promise!

**Stefan**: When you left, I kinda missed your sense of humor, and one day in a bookstore I found this amazing book " Sarcastic jokes for dummies" ...

**Me**: ...

**Stefan**: Um, Damon? Are you there?

**Me**: Just give me a moment. I think I am gonna pass out.

**Author's note: Did you like it? I want reviews! This is my first story and english isn't my first language and I need reviews so I have a reason to keep writing...xoxo**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four

**Author's note: Sorry this took so long, but I had final exams at school and final volleyball league match and had no idea what to write about... But I will try to update more often, I promise. Anyway, here's the story. Oh, I almost forgot, I wrote another story, Stefan and the coffee- short, funny story about hyper Stefan...**

Damon POV

6.00 a.m. , Grimmauld Place 12

- Ding, ding, ding!- very loud and disturbing sound woke me up. WTF- I thought, It was cloudy outside, absolutely perfect weather for sleeping, why would someone be so cruel and wake me up? Maybe it's some Harry- Voldy thing going on? I quickly put my jeans on(black, of course), took my wand, and flew out of my room to the dining room where a very angry looking Molly Weasley was standing.

- How very nice of you to come, Damon! I told you I want everyone to be awake and waiting for me at 5. 55 and you're late! And you didn't even dress!- she said and blushed while looking at my naked chest. What was she talking about? I remember she was telling everyone that this creepy house needs to be cleaned because there were some really nasty creatures (not only Creature) hidden in unexpected places like under the bed or in garbage bin... But, she wanted me to help with cleaning? How smart of her. Last time I cleaned a house, I burned it because it was so dirty and I had to use some alcohol to clean it... And I got drunk... And wanted to make a bear of fire...

-Why didn't you just knock on my door, you didn't have to make that scary sound angry woman! Oh, your poor children...- I said while I was looking at very tired and sleepy Weasleys, Sirius, Tonks and Lupin. Hmm, maybe this could be funny and worth getting up this early? But I am not gonna tell her that.

-I tried to wake you up, trust me, but you wouldn't wake up, no matter what I tried! So, I didn't really had much choice!- She said. I kinda forgot I put some spells around my room- like that Soundproof room one, or I can't hear knocking one... Hehehe

-Okay, I'll help you. But not because you said I have to, I am doing this because I promised Stefan I will do one good and nice thing every year, so this is it- I said while grinning and Molly rolled her eyes.

I ran to my room, took a quick shower and dressed in old grey jeans and worn blue shirt- I didn't want my expensive clothes to get hurt. You know, I love my clothes very much. Caroline wanted to take one of my shirts once. I changed the colour of all her clothes into grey. She wasn't happy.

When I came back into dining room, Molly gave us cleaning brooms and bags for garbage. She gave everyone a room to clean and she was going to monitor cleaning. Ha ha, how fair of her!

I got some weird room with clothes to clean. I really hate wizard clothes. Which man would wear something like that? I found some green robes which weren't as dusty as other ones, and would fit Stef. That will be a nice present for him. OMG, what is wrong with me, I don't give presents to Stefan! I must be going crazy... Stefan had that silly hobby- collecting wizard clothes. But he never wore them- maybe he is my brother after all.

I also found awesome black leather boots for myself and decided to keep them. Hahaha, I love cleaning! After fifteen minutes, I got bored. With one flick of my wand, the room wasn't dusty anymore, old clothes was in bags and even windows were shining! How awesome I am!I decided to walk around- see how it's going, are others having fun... I put Invisibility charm on myself, because it is much more funnier when nobody can see me.

Sirius was in his room, lying on his couch and talking to himself.

- How can she wake me up, in my own house... And I was dreaming about that hot chick from my class at Hogwarts... Betty or Britty I am not sure... And that crazy woman says I need to clean my room! You know I will clean it... It was dirty for thirty and more years and to clean it now is a total waste of time...

Huh. I guess he is not happy about Molly's great-super-extra-big- cleaning.

Ron was in the bedroom, sleeping on the floor. Oh, here comes Molly. Poor, poor boy. I gotta go, that woman is even louder than Sirius's mother.

Tonks was in the bathroom. The door was locked and I just stood there and listened. Remus was also with her.

**R. Lupin- bold**

_N. Tonks- italics_

**Okay, are you ready for it?**

_Absolutely! Just move it already!_

**Ugh, I can't ! It is so tight and this thing is big!**

_I know Remus, but I thought you did this before!_

**Oh, I am almost there...**

_I know, just a little bit faster..._

**Yes! Finally!**

Damon stood in the hall, totally shocked. What the hell just happened? Did they just... Never mind.

_**Meanwhile in the bathroom...**_

NOBODY POV

Tonks and Lupin just killed some weird creature stuck behind the bath tube. They killed it with broom's stick because wood kills that creature.


End file.
